Words matter…especially when you talk to yourself

​You know how certain themes start appearing in your life? Self-talk has been my communications topic of late. I appreciate how different people address the same issue. Looking through a variety of lenses helps to understand how different people process information. Taking this variety of information into account, one can begin to address making changes in our own self-talk.
 
Perhaps my favorite take on this inner dialogue and overthinking comes from Jeff Acuff, who has a new book on the subject, Soundtracks. It came to me by way of the Stanford d school, which offers amazing e-learning. Jeff approaches our inner dialog through soundtracks we play over and over in our brain.  Some can be helpful, but others are broken. He uses a version of Rumi’s three questions to evaluate your soundtracks. Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Kind? If your soundtrack doesn’t make it through those three gates, RETIRE it! Replace it with a more helpful track and put it in Repeat. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we can take control of that inner space and be our own DJ. Research supports that we tend to focus on the negative. We may have done 99 things correctly, but what does our brain choose to focus on? The one we didn’t do well. Left unsupervised, our brains can be real jerks. Remember phrases like, “You are your own worst enemy?’ or “You’re your own worst critic?” Your brain is also at the mercy of memories changing over time and a tendency to believe what it already thinks is true. It is up to us to stand up and retire old, untruthful soundtracks and replace them with hip, new and positive ones. Now, place that on REPEAT.
 
Another perspective is to develop a relationship with your inner critic. Realizing that perhaps that inner voice is really your inner child, just trying to protect you and keep you from risking or getting hurt. Imagine 8-year-old “you” and give this voice a name. I chose Minnie (mini me). The dynamic changes when you can visualize your inner dialogue this way. You are kinder to this voice. Explain why you have the tools and the strength to pursue a new dream. Write them a letter.
 
Finally, there is the embodiment of, “I am my own worst critic.” This is the crappy voice that says, “You are never good enough.” This voice never gives you a break. Its poster mantra is, “Good, better, best. never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best.” Motivational? Maybe. What happens when you don’t meet expectations? Lots of negative feedback. This thing is, would you ever talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? The answer is no. This is where it is important to challenge that inner self talk. Challenge it to fit through the gates – Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind. Most often the negative thoughts don’t pass the test.
 
How you talk to yourself impacts your attitude, self-confidence, and ability to take risks. If you talk to yourself as your own biggest supporter, there is no telling what you can achieve. It is so interesting how information presented in different ways can resonate with different people. Whatever perspective you choose to apply, the time you take to become aware of your inner dialogue and address the “broken soundtracks,” will be well worth it.